Re: Question about Listening

I did actually receive a few answers about 6/25’s listening question.

Paraphrased response via phone:

• ‘why did you ask?’

I asked because it comes up extremely frequently in both my work and personal life.  I’ve noticed that many of the people around me fail to listen, and more irritatingly, that I often fail to listen to them.

Paraphrased responses via Twitter:

• ‘because people are afraid they’ll hear something they don’t like’
• ‘yep, it’s a problem for me too.’
• ‘because you think what you have to say is more important’

From an experience yesterday, I would add:

• unwilling to accept a situation they don’t like

It reminds me of something my uncle said years ago that cracked me up.  He remarked that sometimes people “invent their own reality and then proceed to live in it.”  Though it’s valid to choose your attitude and your battles, if you’re immersed in Personal Reality, Population: 1, you’re probably pretty positive that your opinions trump all others, making listening understandably difficult.

So how do we prevent total disconnection of ourselves and our organization from generally accepted reality?  How can we ease the fears that can go along with real listening?  Is it possible to create an environment where people are confident they will be heard and that listening is worth their time?  What other layers of complexity (generation, culture, etc.) are people untangling along the way to an environment condusive to listening?

After Fancy College, Jobs in Service?

The NY Times published an interesting article about a push to encourage graduates of top colleges and universities to work in service positions (including National Service such as AmeriCorps and Teach for America) instead of investment banks.

Some points that gave me hope and food for thought:

1. The highest-ranked colleges and professors are at least paying lip service to the idea that the purpose of their fancy education is not necessarily to create more investment bankers or consultants.
2. Some colleges are putting money and scholarships behind this lip service, some even paying student loans for grads who go into service.
3. It’s easy for Jr.s and Sr.s to apply for lucrative positions – the systems are in place.  Let’s put them in place for service positions as well.
4. Obama supports National Service(!) and people have noticed (!!)

At a recent presentation by Jason Lum, he expressly encouraged the service-oriented audience to pursue scholarships to further their education so that they could afford to continue to serve their communities.  Nobody had ever specifically pointed that out that challenge of a public service position: it’s nearly impossible to pay for the credentials that are required.

This article gives me hope because it talks about barriers to service being addressed right now – awareness, prestige, access, and debt.  Fantastic news!  How can we keep up the momentum?

Question:

What makes listening so difficult?

Allow me to define “listen”:

• acknowledge that someone wants to communicate with you
• take in what the person is communicating
• actively work to fully understand what is being communicated within your own schema
• identify steps you can take to act upon what you heard
• take said steps

I guess I partially answered my own question – there are a lot of steps.  But honestly, none of them are all that difficult.  Or are they?  Would you add steps to the definition?  Are there any in particular that cause people to stumble?  Is it more about our society or our organizational structures than about individuals?  Why is such a basic function of living as a human being so difficult to do well?

Seriously, I’d like to know.  I’d also like to not delve into discussion about improving listening just yet – I think that’s different enough to put on hold till another post.

Thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts!

Vacation and Pace

I took a short vacation up North with my sister, and slowing down definitely helped me notice how fast  I’m used to going.  As we hiked around lush forest and wide open water, I realized that I’m on the right track with what I’m doing with my life.  I already knew that, but it means more to think that when I’m not in the thick of it.  We decided we definitely have to make hiking more of a priority during future vacations.

I also feel like I have a lot more to give when I go back to work tomorrow.  Being relaxed and happy helps me be a better coworker and program staffer no question.  Ah, the elusive work-life balance, I think for at least today, I found you.

The question is, once you take your break, reset your pace, and find your balance, what do you do to keep it?  Marci Alboher from the NY Times has some suggestions – what are yours?

Thirteen Ways of Looking at the Rewards of Blogging

This post is in response to Michele Martin’s comment, in which she asked “…how blogging in particular has made the web a more rewarding place to visit.”

I realized I had quite a few different but connected answers and struggled for a way to present them.  Many thanks and apologies to the genius of Wallace Stevens.

Thirteen Ways of Looking at the Rewards of Blogging

I
It’s like having your very own room when you’re a child.  It has your stuff, your bed, and unlike everything else out there, you control it.  Yes, you have to keep it clean so your parents don’t get on your case and so friends can come over… but still.  It’s yours.  You want to be there.

II
It’s like going to a party thrown for people in your profession; it’s fun!  You all have something to talk about, letting you connect with new people instead of awkwardly talking about the weather.

III
The Blog Stats page is fun to obsess over every evening.

IV
Getting comments from people you know you can connect with is a little like getting digits from that party you attended in item 2.  It’s gratifying and opens new conversations and possibilities.

V
I have a showcase of my everyday writing.  It’s like an automatic portfolio for anyone who may want to hire me or collaborate with me.

VI
I can show people what I’m interested in who might not fully understand if I just say it.  My grandmother, for example.

VII
I’m not anonymous when I comment on other people’s blogs.  The blog is an anchor, some context, the home base of my web presence.  My comments don’t stand alone because they link right back to my blog.

VIII
Having a web presence is important.  It helps me be a tech-savvy professional, keep up with what’s going on around me, and share what I know.  Back to the portfolio idea, my blog also shows that I am tech-savvy, interested, and a sharer of knowledge.  It’s both the pudding and the proof.

IX
Watching my Technorati authority creep very slowly upward from zero makes me smile.  I’m building something!

X
Speaking of authority, as my blog becomes more and more established, I feel braver about commenting on other people’s blogs.  It’s as though I feel invited to more of those parties.

XI
I enjoy writing.  It’s nice to have a public yet low-pressure venue.

XII
I finally have a reason to take notes: I can post them and reflect upon them.  While I haven’t found many of my notes post-worthy yet, having a blog inspired me to take notes in the first place.  It’s helped me be a more active listener, always thinking, “How can I blog about this?  What would I add or ask about?” because those thoughts now have a place to go.

XIII
Through blogging, I’m involved with communities I care about in a flexible, comfortable medium.  I can widely represent myself “business casually” instead of only through formal and/or narrow communication.

Personal Internet = Successful Usage

This blog started out as an experiment in limited internet access, and I’d like to quickly revisit that theme by comparing it to my constant access now.

I spent a while working to customize my internet experience through del.icio.us bookmarking, assembling an RSS feed, starting my own personal blog, starting a Flickr account, and keeping up more regularly with twitter, Facebook, technorati, etc.  Out of that social media category, I’d say the RSS and blog had the most impact in making the web more comfortable and rewarding to visit.

I feel significantly more connected with everything since I took the time to personalize my browser.  I consolidated my switch-hitting between Safari and Firefox (Firefox won).  Then I sat down and made my bookmarks toolbar sensible and usable, and cleared out old bookmarks I hadn’t used in ages.  I’ve started with some add-ons, most notably Google Notebook.  I no longer feel like I’m just visiting the internet; I’m home.

Based on my own experiences, I don’t see how people popping into the library to use the internet for an hour, or even people who have a laptop but no home internet access, can have the same rich experience that I’m having with my full set up.  So much time goes into organizing and arranging things to be just right, not only for my enjoyment but to help me keep up with everything.  It gives me an advantage in terms of research (school, career, and beyond) and in terms of social media presence over people without my modest but crucial resources.

How are web developers working to enable custom internet experiences for people who don’t have their own personal computers?  How are those free or cheap wi-fi projects I keep hearing about going (I think there’s one in Minneapolis…)?  When are some $200 laptops going to hit the American market, and would they be usable enough to bridge the digital divide within our country?  And what can one person do to share her technological advantages?

Google. Notebook.

Google Notebook is my new favorite thing ever.

You can collect bookmarks, web snippets, and your own notes together and organize them by topics in different notebooks.  You can let other people on gmail collaborate or keep your notebooks private.

I do love del.icio.us for the social bookmarking that it is, but sometimes you need a more flexible and comprehensive digital notebook.  Here it is!

Did I mention it has browser add-ons available?  A little Notebook icon now lives at the bottom of Firefox on my computer, just waiting for me to open it and add.  It’s so beautiful!

For the record, no, Google is not paying me.

Attitude and Hypothesis

Today’s Positivity Blog post points out that your attitude can absolutely change your experience of reality.  The author uses the example of a hot air balloon ride: passengers on the very same balloon ride will have very different experiences if one spends the whole time worrying about crashing and the other doesn’t.  Your reality is all about your attitude.

I didn’t see “bad attitude” vs. “good attitude” so much as “he thinks the balloon is going to crash and kill him” and “he does not think he is about to die.”

My question: are your “attitude” and your “educated guess about what the future will be like” the same thing?  I’ll spare you my chain of philosophical reasoning, but I’m thinking that in day-to-day life they’re very similar and that in extreme situations they diverge.  In any case, I think it’s hard to argue that your perception of what future is likely is entirely unrelated to your attitude.

I see a big opportunity here for management to help their employees have a positive attitude by providing evidence and assurance (two separate things!) that their future will be positive.  I’m sure this is easier said than done.  One idea: use the strategic plan (I know you have one!) to directly and intentionally show employees how they will continue to be supported, recognized, and provided with growth opportunities.

What messages are your employees receiving about the future?  What kind of a message is no message?  Are you inadvertantly working against your employees’ efforts to channel Polyanna?  How can you support your employees’ attitudes with evidence that the balloon won’t be hit by a meteor?

Management Suggestions: Communicating

One of my organization’s biggest strengths and biggest challenges is that we have a main office and several satellite sites.  This week I got a chance to talk to some satellite coworkers I rarely see, and it was fantastic to get to reconnect.  I spoke with one coworker in particular, largely about communicating with supervisors.

What I Realized:

• When people work really really hard, they need to know that the people above them do also.
• The wheels that aren’t squeaking still need you.
• It’s easy to assume the worst in lieu of facts.
• Face time, with people and at places, makes people feel better.

Management Suggestions:

• Face time.  Make time for it.

• Make sure that at least some of your hard work is visible.
  • If you’re at work at 10pm, make sure to send some emails then.  Time stamps are subtle and say a lot.
  • Share your to-do lists, projects, and finished products.
  • Take a moment (not an hour) at check-in meetings to report on what you’ve been up to too.
  • Make at least some piddling tasks a priority.  Fix that water cooler, address the lighting in that parking lot, help with that crazy landlord.

• The line between trusting an employee and ignoring an employee has a lot to do with the employee’s perception.
  • Send a quick thank-you to the people doing a great job.  Acknowledge that you’re being very hands-off, and that you’re still there when they do need anything.
  • Have regular meetings and switch up the location.
  • Publicly recognize accomplishments, and not just the momentous ones.

What are some other suggestions or lessons that come to mind?  How else can management communicate effectively?

Commenting Strategy

At risk of linking to Beth Kanter’s blog way too often, she started a pithy, interesting, and altogether extremely helpful discussion about commenting strategy the other day.  I think it’s especially relevant for new bloggers, but I recommend checking it out to anybody reading this.  Why?  Keeping it short, because I learned about comment tracking tools, heard opinions from several seasoned bloggers, and found more fodder for my RSS feed.  It was the most thorough answer to a question ever.